The Wrong Trousers/Transcript

[Morning, Gromit pours some tea into a cup, then puts some bread in the toaster. He leaves his chair and goes to a calendar, marking off another date. Taking a close look at it, it’s his birthday today. He then looks upstairs and sees Wallace asleep. Mail goes through the door slot and Gromit sorts through them until he comes across his own letter. On his way back to the table, he stops for a model train and sits down. Gromit then opens the envelope revealing a birthday card. He opens it for a bit, surprised by the music playing through it, and opens it again fully to play "Happy Birthday" or "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" (censored version). As the song comes to a close, Wallace from upstairs presses the “Breakfast” button, causing its bulb to illuminate.]
Wallace: It's my turn for breakfast this morning, Gromit. I'd like a three-minute egg...
[Gromit pulls a lever]
Wallace: Whoa! Steady on! [The bed tilts and Wallace slides down, putting on his trousers in the process] Gromit! Ow!
[After a hard landing on his chair, machines put on Wallace’s sleeves and jumper]
Wallace: Ha-ha!
[Gromit presses a button sending jam flying, straight onto the toasted bread surface as the pastry lands on Wallace’s plate. He munches on the toast.]
Wallace: Well, that went as well as could be expected, didn't it? Though I might have to make a small adjustment to the drop. A touch painful on re-entry. [He downs the rest of the toast] Cracking toast, Gromit.
[Gromit continues looking at a newspaper]
Wallace: [swallows his toast] Any post, was there, perchance?
[Gromit takes the envelopes to Wallace]
Wallace: Oh, dear, a bit steep! Oh, my goodness! Well, I'll be... They're all bills. Oh, dear, oh, dear me! We shall have to economize, Gromit. I'll have to let that room out. Oh, dear! [He takes a picture frame off the wall where a safe is hidden. Opening it, he grabs a piggy bank out and pops it open. Only a few coins are left.] Oh, just look at that. I'm down to my last few coppers. And those presents weren't cheap, either. [gasps]
[Gromit looks at Wallace]
Wallace: Well, Gromit, let's see what's on the 9:05, shall we? [The train arrives by their table] Here she comes now. I wonder what this can be. Happy birthday, chuck! [He takes a present from one of the train cars and gives it to Gromit]
[Gromit opens the present, revealing a leash and spiked collar]
Wallace: I knew you'd like it. Here, let me help you. [He puts the collar around his neck] You look like somebody owns you now. And that's only the first part. Come and look in here.
[In another room, a larger present than before walks into the room. Afraid, Gromit backs to the wall as the gift, shaped like the lower body of a person, approaches the worried dog. The gift comes to a stop as Gromit looks at the tag, reading "To Gromit, Love Wallace"]
Wallace: I think you'll find this present a valuable addition to our modern lifestyle! [He opens the present, revealing the product inside: a pair of mechanical legs] They're Techno-Trousers. EX-NASA. Fantastic for walkies! All you do is attach the lead on here... [He puts leash on Gromit] then program in. Walkies, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. Oops!
[the Techno Trousers walk down]
Wallace: Ha ha ha! Have a nice walk, Gromit! [Gromit yelps as the Techno Trousers carry him away.]
[cut outside, with a sign saying, "DOGS MUST BE KEPT ON A LEAD". Gromit, freed from the leash, goes up a slide and sees the Techno Trousers carrying a fake dog on a dolly. Gromit then goes down the slide. Meanwhile with Wallace, he performs some calculations to pay some bills.]
Wallace: It's no use prevaricating about the bush.
[Cut back outside with Techno Trousers walking with Gromit, then Wallace puts a sign, saying, "ROOM TO LET. Apply Within" outside the house. The trousers approach the front steps and toss Gromit back in like a throw pillow. Back inside, Gromit is knitting something.]
Wallace: [off-screen] Nice walkies, hmm? [to Gromit] How were the Techno-Trousers?
[Gromit hears a doorbell ringing]
Wallace: Oh, there's someone at the door, Gromit. [He puts the teacup down] I wonder who that could be. [He walks to a door, opening the door] Oh, it's about the room, then. Well, that's grand. Er, would you like to come this way and inspect? [He walks the room] I'm asking 20 a week, er, that will include your breakfast. [Feathers McGraw stares at Gromit] I suppose you like kippers, do you? [Feathers follows Wallace up the stairs] Partial to a nice black pudding myself. With bacon, of course. [Gromit knitts and he's seems a bit confused] I'm sure that we could come to an amicable agreement. As I say, it's a big dangy at present, but it's surprising what a lick of paint'll do, isn't it?
[The picture frame falls down, Feathers walks into Gromit's room.]
Wallace: Oh! Er... But I don't think... Hmm. Oh. Er, wasn't quite what we had in mind. Wouldn't you like to see...? Oh, dear!
[Feathers bounces on the bed]
Wallace: Um, look, ha ha, um... There's something I got to tell you. It's, um, no pets. Does that suit you?
[Feathers changes the music to Tie a Yellow Ribbon]
Wallace: Seems pleasant enough.
[Cut to bedroom.]
Wallace: Cheer up, Gromit. Surprising what a lick of paint'll do, isn't it? [He pounds on the wallpaper on the wall]
[cut to Gromit, looking at a book, putting his leg up, then putting a book on the leg, dropping it, going faster to Wallace, climbing up]
Wallace: Oh! So that's where my braces went! [He climbs down]
[Gromit walks on the ceiling, painting it]
Wallace: Wonderful things, these Techno Trousers. Oh! I'm sorry.
[Feathers walks to Gromit, painting on a ceiling, then sleeping in a bed, hearing music, getting up, knocking the door, sleeping in a bed, hearing a glass break, then Feathers walks in the house, turning off the light, then the music stops, then Gromit cries, then cut to Gromit by the bathroom the next morning, with Wallace walking downstairs]
Wallace: Lovely morning, Gromit!
[Gromit eats cereal, watching the TV, then Feathers brings shoes to Wallace, putting them on]
Wallace: Oh, thank you very much. Ha, ha, ha. That's just grand.
[Gromit looks at the cereal and the TV, then the newspaper lands by Gromit, then Feathers takes the newspaper]
Wallace: Oh, thank you kindly! What do you think of that, Gromit, eh? Our playing guest. [laughing]
[Gromit growls. That evening he hears thunder]
Wallace: Ha ha ha! Nice drop of Bordeaux, this, eh? Here's to paying guests. Ahh, more cheese, Penguin, eh?
[while Wallace laughs with his guest, Gromit goes into his kennel and turns the light on, grabbing a blanket, brush, bone, and clock, tying it up, then looking at a picture frame, then turning the light back off, walking in the rain]
Wallace: [off-screen] Good night, Penguin. Sleep well! [He turns the light off]
[Gromit walks away, looking at the house, closing the gate, then Feathers watches Gromit go at the window, grabbing a book, saying, "ELECTRONICS FOR DOGS", using a electric drill, whirring it up for the Trousers, then the clock rings in the trash can, opening it up, looking around, hiding back down, then cut to Wallace, sleeping]
Wallace: Oh! That was lovely cheese.
[the bed tilts down, sliding Wallace down, and because this time, there are no pants around, he lands in the Techno-Trousers as a replacement]
Wallace: It's the wrong trousers! [gasps] The wrong trousers! What have you done with the controls, Gromit?! [looking around, noticing that Gromit isn't there, putting his leg up] Now, that'll do. Hold on a minute. Stop it! Gromit! [walks faster] Stop these confounded things! This isn't funny, Gromit! [continues walking faster] The joke's over! Get me out of these trousers! [bounces up and down] Lummy day!
[cut to Gromit, pointing at a paper, saying, "ROOM TO LET REASONABLE TERMS", moving the hand away, saying, "NO DOGS! APPLY WITHIN", shaking his head, looking at Feathers, saying, "WANTED HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHICKEN? 1000 REWARD", with Wallace running faster]
Wallace: HE-ELP! GROMIT! [continues running faster] Oh, gangway! Whoa! [bounces up and down] Sorry! [crashes off-screen] Whoa! It's the wrong trousers, Gromit, and they've gone wrong! Stop them, Gromit, stop them! Help me! G-Gromit! The wrong trousers have gone haywire! Get me out! HE-E-ELP!
[Gromit looks at Feathers, walking away as Wallace hops around in a very funny way]
Wallace: [walks in the house, with the pajama pants on the wrong trousers] Oh, I'm tired! Oh! A good doze. That's what I need, get me strength back. [sits on a bed and yawns] What a... What a shocking calam... calam... calamity. [sleeps in a bedroom]
[Feathers walks away by Wallace, looking at Feathers walking away, putting the newspaper down, then putting the money down, looking at Feathers, looking around, writing on a notebook, grabbing a box, walking down, cutting the box, looking at Feathers, measuring it, dropping it, putting it back in, then measuring it up, looking at Feathers going up, measuring a window, putting it back in, going back down, putting the scale back in, looking at Feathers, then Feathers looks at Gromit, then walking away by the box, saying, "MEATABIX DOG FOOD", then Gromit looks around, then pushing a door, grabbing a torn piece of bone wallpaper, walking to the desk, turning the lamp on, looking at the paper, saying, "CITY MUSEUM DIAMOND EXHIBITION", and the diamond, saying, "BLUE DIAMOND", with penguin door closing it, saying, "PUSH", turning the lamp off, then Feathers climbs up, looking at Gromit, looking at Feathers carrying a box, grabbing a mirror, carrying a helmet, then grabbing a remote control, hiding it, pressing a button, moving the legs out, groaning, then closing the door, with the bed wobbling, with Gromit falling down, wearing pants, raising his arms up, putting his shirt on, then putting sleeves on, then shooting jam, with the toaster lever popping up, shooting at Gromit, then cut back to Wallace and Feathers, putting a leg on the wall, walking on a wall, then Feathers walks by a window, then Wallace continues walking up, walking on top of a building, then he continues walking, then Feathers looks at a paper, walking on the metal smoke, going inside the air vent, then Feathers looks at a paper, saying, "AIR VENT", going to down a diamond, saying, "STOP HERE DIAMOND", then looking at a diamond, pulling the lever down, then he continues walking by the lasers, pulling the lever down, with the code, saying, "BURGLAR", yawning, then he continues walking, walking to the diamond, pressing the button, trying to get a diamond, then walking backwards, pressing the buttons, trying to get the diamond again, then walking forward, pressing the button, grabbing a diamond, with the diamond falling off of a claw, pressing the buttons, grabbing the diamond, rising up in his helmet, then walking on a ceiling, taking apart, with the claw falling down on a laser, then beeping, saying, "BURGLAR", then shaking around]
Wallace: Here, what's the game, then? Where am I?! What's going on?! Yikes! [covers his eyes]
[Feathers continues pushing the buttons, then the door continues closing]
Wallace: Gromit! Gromit! I must be dreaming! Where the devil am I?! [spins around] Oh! Great heavens up above! Whatever is it? Help! Get me down! Help! What's the game, then, eh? Where am I? I've had quite enough! You'll be hearing my solicitor about this! Eee! Ow! Mind how you go! You can't go taking liberties like this. I'm a respectable citizen! [continues running faster] Most definitely not legal, this.
[Feathers pushes a button, stopping the Techno-Trousers, taking the glove off of his head]
Wallace: Good grief: it's you! Now, get me out of those trousers this minute! [walks backwards in a shelf] Steady on, will you? This wardrobe's nearly new, you know. Let me out!
[Feathers puts a diamond in the bag]
Wallace: I'll give you what for you tyke!
[Feathers walks to Gromit, pounding his rolling pin, and in an instant, pulls the pistol, then Gromit puts his hands up and drops the rolling pin]
Wallace: Excuse me? Em, hello? I should think so, too. Hey!
[Feathers turns the key in the keyhole and locks the wardrobe]
Wallace: Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do, isn't it, Gromit?
[Gromit pulls his trousers down]
Wallace: Steady on! Watch where your putting them paws!
[the cords electrocute]
Wallace: Careful, lad! Oh, my goodness! It'll ruin the woodwork!
[the wardrobe shakes back and forth]
Wallace: There goes me knottie pine! Where are we going? I can't see a thing!
[Feathers runs away, by Wallace and Gromit]
Wallace: What's happening?!
[Feathers slides on a train]
Wallace: [muffled] Catch him, Gromit!
[the wardrobe fall down, spinning around on a light, pulling the trigger and shooting a pistol at the light, falling down, then shooting at Gromit, shooting at the bullet, then shooting at the push door, pressing a button, going left, then Wallace walks on the train, shooting a pistol at the light]
Wallace: Don't worry, Gromit! I'm... Ooh! ..right behind you!
[Feathers shoots at Wallace, going on another track]
Wallace: Hang in there, Gromit! Everything's under control. [grabs a pistol] I'll have that if you don't mind, eh? [screaming, he leaves the trousers behind by flying out of them into the picture frame and lands in a cart and wiggles his legs in the air]
[the train continues going faster, throwing the light away, climbing up]
Wallace: Tally ho! Leave him to me. I'll get the bounder! [the net accidentally captures the moose, looking at Wallace as he screams in fear, then Feathers unhooks the engine and tender] Get him, Gromit!
[Feathers pushes a lever, going straight, then going left by Wallace and Gromit]
Wallace: Gromit, we're doomed!
[Gromit grabs the box, putting the tracks on]
Wallace: Oh, mind the table, Gromit!
[Wallace slides under the table, shrieking in pain. Feathers continues riding the train, passing by Feathers]
Wallace: A-a-a-h! [grabs the engine] Gotcha! [Wallace looks at the engine] Huh? [looks at Feathers sliding the engine’s tender] All yours, Gromit!
[Gromit continues putting tracks on, with the Techno-Trousers hitting Feathers, flying him to Wallace, then Gromit continues putting tracks on, hitting the wall, with a bottle landing at Gromit, then Feathers lands in the bottle, Gromit holding a bag]
Wallace: Attaboy, Gromit, lad! Well done! We did it! Ha-hah!
[Scene cuts to the next day, Wallace (now in his outfit) and Gromit watches the Techno-Trousers walk by Feathers, throwing him in the police station, putting him in prison, shaking it up the prison-like bars, camera zooming out, and the penguin saying, "WELCOME TO THE ZOO", with an arrow, saying, "ENTRANCE" in the zoo wall, then Gromit puts some slippers by Wallace]
Wallace: Thank you, old friend. Many thanks indeed! That reward money paid off all our debts. No more lodgers, more trouble than they're worth! [puts coins in the piggybank] I could just fancy some cheese, Gromit. What do you say? Cheddar? Don't forget the crackers!
[Gromit looks at the Techno-Trousers, which are hiding in a rubbish bin and then leaves as the Techno-Trousers start twitching]
Wallace: Ah, all's well that ends well, that's what I say. [He eats a cracker with cheese]
[the Techno-Trousers walk by Wallace and Gromit]
Wallace: Oh, I do like a bit of Gorgonzola.
[Gromit looks at a newspaper, then the Techno-Trousers walk down the street in the sunset, causing the credits to roll]